Empty Space (105/365/2023)

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We cleaned out Gizmo’s cage today, and donated it to the Night Owl Bird Hospital.

I think they were a bit surprised at how big it was when we arrived.

Seriously, it was big enough for a macaw.

We once joked, when we brought it home, that we might need a bigger bird, but Gizmo made it his home pretty quickly and he navigated it like it was his palace. We never felt particularly guilty for leaving him in it all day…he had a LOT of room. Though every so often, when he made a mis-step, it could be a pretty long fall to the bottom…..usually followed by a “beep”. It always seemed a bit like “I did NOT fall…I MEANT to do that!” (How embarrassing). Eventually, as he got older, I padded the bottom with blankets, and then put paper over top, to soften his occasional klutzy plummet.

We also donated the oxygen concentrator that had helped him out a little bit when he needed a bit of a boost for his tired heart. We know that will be used to help other birds in the future and it felt good to provide that peice of medical equipment to the clinic.

Geri asked us to wait a moment before we dropped the items and left…then she came back out and asked us to come into one of the exam rooms. She said “The doctor would like a few moments with you”. We waited and when she came in she asked if we had photos of him (yes), and that she had taken a few videos of him eating while he was with her, that she would send them to us. She also told us that she thought we had been excellent caretakers of him and that it was heartening to veterinarians to meet people who cared so well for their charges.

That brought some tears. But it was a kindness not lost on us.

And then there were two.

The house feels so empty.

I suppose having no cage anymore is better than seeing it sit there, empty of life and sound, as we have had for the past week. But taking the perches out…removing the bell that usually was being dingdingdingdingdingdinged all the time, was particularly hard. We kept that….it went onto the shelf where a little bit of each animal’s life sits.

I realized today that it’s become a bit of a shrine.

For 35+ years we have left a radio on for an animal; first Tiko, then Tiko and Gizmo, then just Gizmo, then Gizmo and Milo, then Gizmo and Milo and Loki, then just Gizmo and Loki, then just Gizmo again…..now there is no creature that might appreciate a bit of sound.

So the past few days Kirk turns the radio off when we leave….and all the lights.

That too is new.

For 35+ years a light has been on. When we come home at night, drive into the driveway, we can see light…unless it’s really late in which case the timer has given the animals darkness.

Now there is no need.

And the thermostat can be turned down during the day, and overnight, as well.

The house is dark and cold and quiet when we come home.

It’s a difficult and strange adjustment as we navigate how much he was a part of our everyday life; the things we did, the habits we have developed, the unconscious considerations we make, the changes to the space, emotional and physical.