Louis C.K. has baggage but, regardless of that, this quote is one that holds deep meaning for me and resonates in all aspects of life.
I value facts over feelings, yet feelings can be damaged when facts are ignored or twisted.
When someone tells us that we hurt them in some way, too often we knee jerk to rationalize the situation away in an attempt to maintain our self-image; we shift the blame to victimize ourselves rather than acknowledge that we have caused harm, which is even more damaging to whatever relationship is at stake, be it professional or personal.
When someone opens up and reveals that they have been hurt by our words, actions, or lack thereof, they are being honest and vulnerable. Many people find it difficult to admit that they have been hurt; it risks being perceived as weak.
If someone tells us that we’ve hurt them, the very least we owe them is our respect and an honest acknowledgment of their pain and our part in it.
The worst thing that we can do is make them feel badly for opening up and identifying the thing that has caused damage, to shift the blame and make them feel like they’re the one who did something wrong, to explain the action/behaviour away to absolve ourselves of any accountability, or covertly imply that our behaviour didn’t actually hurt them and that they are being too sensitive.
We don’t know their feelings as intimately as they feel them.
If they’re telling us that we hurt them, then we hurt them.
It’s just that simple.
Accept this, suck in the ego, and apologize with honesty and humility.
To do otherwise only compounds the damage done.
