I’m in a strange place right now and I haven’t been able to quite put my finger on what I am feeling.
Frustrated, yes.
Angry, of course.
Demoralized, check.
Exhausted, you bet.
But it’s not that.
While mulling over the strange head space I’ve been in and trying to analyze why I am not completely losing my mind of current circumstances I realized something.
I’ve always known what comes next.
When I bailed on university two years in, I knew a move to Vancouver and trade school was next.
When I finished trade school and bailed on my job at the salon, I knew finishing my undergraduate degree was next.
When I finished my undergrad I had a brief few weeks of wondering what was next and then I walked by a posting in the window of an aquarium shop and had a job on the spot.
After a short period of that, I knew a Masters degree was next.
After the Masters I knew being a technician in two physiology labs was next.
Then I knew a PhD was next.
Before the end of the PhD I knew that teaching at a university was next.
To be fair, when that went sideways there was a hiccup and I didn’t know what was next, but I was also fairly fresh out of school and my career path of choice had just been completely derailed, but I got back on track fairly quickly with a bit of assistance from one or two people and then a few other things came next in quick succession until I secured a term with my current employer. Lots of hiccups there over the years, but it settled into something quasi-predictable.
But now I am not sure what comes next.
Not in an “Oh my god” way. More of a “Huh! I’m not actually sure what happens after April 1st.”
I’m not entirely wigged out about it, it’s a weird sense of curiosity. I just don’t know what happens next.
The photo?
Nothing to do with any of that.
I intended to take a photo using a crystal ball as a metaphor, but when I held it up some of the books on one of my shelves peered through at me.
A good selection actually.
Burnt Out, Quiet; Stolen Focus; At a Loss for Words: Conversation in the Age of Rage; The Death of Expertise; Invisible Women; Unlikeable Female Characters; Ctrl Hate Delete; What She Said; Hagitude; I’m Right and You’re an Idiot …..
All excellent books.
And then I went on a random tangent when my fingers hit the keys and all that fell out.
