Another wonderful blog post by Brené Brown, PhD. Brene is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She studies vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.
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“You can rest when you’re done.”
This is the single worst piece of advice that I’ve ever received. I’m not even sure where or when I heard it or if it’s the result of marinating in the “Get ‘er done!” culture that we live in today.
Either way, I’m pretty sure “resting when we’re done” is lethal.
Why? Because we are NEVER done. There is always more to do, write, edit, cook, clean, organize, pick-up, change, investigate, explore, plan, fix, start . . .
How do you “rest when it’s done” when it’s never done?
If we don’t rest before we’re done we’re likely to create something that reflects our exhausted selves rather than our best selves. We’ll accomplish a lot but rather than feeling satisfied, we’ll just see our accomplishments as more things to cross off our relentless to-do list. We feel resentful and wiped out rather than proud and fulfilled.
Resting is tough for me. I inherited the “lazy” shame gremlin from my parents (who got it from their parents). I’m working really hard to reframe rest as a necessity rather than something you earn.
I believe in hard work and tenacity. In fact, they are values that we live by and I often write about the dangers of the believing that everything should be “fun, fast, and easy.”
But believing that we “are enough” sometimes means having the courage to say “Enough!” I’m starting to really get why rest and play emerged from the data as one of the guideposts of Wholehearted Living.
We have this great sign in our house from Barn Owl Primitives.
Now, if I could only remember that sometimes “the hard thing” is saying, “I’m going to rest now. And, no. I’m not done. I’ve only just begun.”
http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2012/4/13/the-worst-advice-ever.html
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TED videos featuring Brené Brown
The Power of Vulnerability
Brené Brown studies human connection – our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.
Listening to Shame
Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. Brené Brown, whose earlier talk on vulnerability became a viral hit, explores what can happen when people confront their shame head-on. Her own humor, humanity and vulnerability shine through every word.