Day 237 – Solitude

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237/365 (August 25, 2011) – There is power in numbers, but there is beauty in solitude too.

“Cultivate solitude and quiet and a few sincere friends, rather than mob merriment, noise and thousands of nodding acquaintances.” ~ William Powell

Some people are comfortable in their own skin, in who they are and what they do. Other people seem to be constantly searching for something to define themselves. I suppose as we age we start to think things like “What have I contributed, what mark have I made on this world, what am I leaving behind, will I matter when I am gone?”. And it always seem to happen at certain points in our lives, like in the early 40’s. I know a few people who have gone through it, and it’s interesting (and sometimes entertaining) to observe. Mid-life crisis? Maybe. Normally rational people suddenly do strangely out of character things. I have a friend who suddenly bought a powerful convertible sports car when she turned 40. Out of character at the time, but she loves it and said it was her mid-life crisis. OK, fair enough, she recognized it for what it was, knew what she wanted, went out and got it, and it made her happy. Most excellent.

One or two people have accused me of the same with respect to the motorcycle, but it wasn’t. I didn’t even WANT to ride a motorcycle, I was happy as a passenger. And the scooter, no that wasn’t trying to recapture any youth, that was purchased because I was frustrated while trying to buy a new truck and I just needed SOMETHING to get around town on and it was logical, cheap transportation for where I live.

Nope, no mid-life crisis here. I can honestly say the only age that I’ve ever reached that bothered me was 26.

Yes, 26. I know it’s a strange one, but here is why.

13 was cool because I was a teenager
16 was awesome because I got my driver’s licence
17 just sounded good
18 and I could vote (not that I did)
19 and I could drink (legally) and get into the bars (not that I hadn’t been going illegally earlier)
20 and I was no longer a teenager, that was pretty awesome!!
21 and I could drink across the line
25 just sounded mature
26……now what…..?

Silly, but 26 really depressed me. After that I never cared about my age. 30 didn’t bug me, 40 seemed to disappoint others since they tired to rib me and I really wasn’t affected. Next year is 45, and again, couldn’t give a hoot. I suppose it all boils down to being comfortable in who you are and what you’ve done. Regardless of upsets in life, things going sideways at times, not ending up where I planned, I have no regrets in this life and I am happy in my own skin. I enjoy knowing who I am and what I want, and I’ve never been particularly afraid of taking new risks. I can sit quietly sometimes and reflect on my life and know that it has been great in all its ups and downs and that I enjoy what I do and I look forward to new challenges, new risks, and new adventures as they present themselves. I don’t really need to seek them out, they generally show up on a fairly regular basis. I enjoy solitude, and although it does not bother me to be alone, I am glad I have a wonderful companion in my solitude. “In a soulmate we find not company but a completed solitude.” ~ Robert Brault

I think when we flail around too much trying to define ourselves…. that in itself ends up defining us as someone who doesn’t have any clear goals or direction. The goals don’t have to be lofty, the direction doesn’t have to be fixed, but some idea of a general trend is usually a good idea or you end up going nowhere at all. The world and the people in it have expectations of us based on what we have done and where we come from (geographically, educationally, personally). It’s easy to internalize those expectations and try to meet them. It’s harder to learn from experiences and expectations, and instead meet opportunities with an open mind rather than try to bend everything to what we think it should become or what we think we should be.

People would probably be happier in general if they learned ‘how to be’ rather that ‘what to be’. Because in the end, the only thing that really matters is that we were happy in ‘who we were’.

‘When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death – ourselves.” ~ Eda LeShan (1922 – 2002)

Original image before Photoshop