Heading home from a few days in Duncan at the hatchery. Thought I might be able to catch the 12:30 ferry. No such luck, the 3pm it is then. Driving into Nanaimo. Those old familiar feelings pop up again. Bitterness, anger, loss, disillusionment, humiliation, failure. You can build relationships and friendships over the span of years and you can lose respect for them in mere moments. A friend and a mentor turns out to be a coward and a user. Trust in others and personal and self confidence recede. So fragile. It seems so impossible, someday I hope the hurt will go away. But not today apparently. Will I ever manage to transit this place without shedding a tear or two?
How fast can I get through this town? Will I see anyone I know? I hope not. Don’t look around or I might. Take the route that helps me avoid the possibility of a chance encounter. I hate it here. An hour to kill at the ferry terminal. Encounters here have been rare over the years, but they have happened. I feel moderately safe. Slip in for a couple of magazines and head back to the car. If I was going to run into anyone it would be more likely to occur on the 5pm run. There used to be a few of us regulars on that one.
Quite the overhaul this place has had! The old terminal is gone, the lanes are rerouted, and where there used to be a simple little cafe, there is a quaint little marketplace with a magazine shop that carries titles I’ve never heard of before. Kinda cool! The Renaissance is docked, not sure if I’ll be on it or the Cowichan. After the news last night I assume it will be the Cowichan. The new ferries burn more fuel so are less economical on small loads. Not many cars in the lot, so I’d quantify this as a small load.
Cloudy here today, and cool…and smelly. Hate those pulp mills. Smells like where I grew up. Funny how you can amplify an emotion and wrap an entire city up in it. There’s a bittersweet component to passing through here. Did I ever actually really want to move here? Or did I just convince myself that I did because it was what I thought I wanted, or rather what I thought I “should” do? Nanaimo is better this way, a place to pass through. When I think of the community that I would have had to leave behind, all our boating friends, I know in my heart I would never have been happy here. We would have lost something we have spent over ten years cultivating. Now if I can just convince my head of that.
Finally loaded. Not on the Renaissance today. I’m car number 20 according to the counter on the ramp. A car sits in the lane…no one in it. Someone went missing or abandoned their car on the last trip? It would have had to be on the last Nanaimo to Vancouver run rather than the just arrived trip…since it’s pointing out the same way we are. Odd that they haven’t towed it off the boat. Strange. Ah, when I walked past I saw a sign indicating the driver was physically disabled. now it makes sense. When we started loading they stopped us partway up the ramp. I guess they were assisting the driver.
Flat calm, no wind, a gorgeous day on the water. The sun is out now…and a car alarm is wailing below decks. Why do people set their alarms on the ferry? Silly people, they always go off! Take a few photos from below on the car deck, can’t feel my fingers anymore…
Another trip to the Island, over and done with. Lots of writing to do now…..